The Fault in Oblivion
by thgandtfiosfanx
Summary: Hazel only dreamed about Augustus Water's death and she now believes that they can be together forever. But their time is still more precious than she thinks.
1. The Fault in our Dreams

Chapter 1: The Fault in our Dreams

"Hazel-Grace Lancaster," I heard a familiar voice say. Breathing a sigh of relief I sat bolt upright. It was all just a dream. But I turned to my right. The grey chair next to my bed was empty. Augustus Waters the love of my life was nowhere to be seen. Despair took over. I let out distorted cries, not caring about what people thought. I only cared what he thought. And he was gone.

"Hazel-Grace. Is it the swing set of tears? We sold that under the name of, 'vaguely paedophilic swing set seeks the butts of children' a while ago." Augustus said, his unmistakable voice and crooked smile. "No, I just don't want this particular life." I wept, before it sunk in. He was there beside me. He wasn't dead. I didn't really write a eulogy. Peter Van Houten hadn't gone to his funeral, neither had I.

"Augustus. What happened?"

"They drained the fluid from your lungs, but you've been unconscious for several days."

"What about Amsterdam? And your PET scan?" My eyes darted around, searching for answers.

"All just precautionary and they were fine. I'm on my rollercoaster and I'm still going up. Not going down for a long time. And, Hazel, Amsterdam hasn't happened yet. We're going as soon as you're well enough. I knew the gas they had you on made you hallucinate but well that's…?"

"Your thoughts are stars, you cannot fathom into constellations?"

"Hazel-Grace, you have just been unconscious for several days and when you wake up one of the first things you say is your own version of Elias Canetti's quote: 'A head full of stars, just not in constellation yet.' That totally explains the current situation. God I love you. And that's why. You are so busy being you, that you have no idea how utterly unprecedented you are."


	2. The Fault in no Explanations

I explained everything. Amsterdam. His cancer. His death. My last letter. He listened patiently whilst I recited it before just staring at me. "What?" I said.

"Nothing," I took pride in knowing him. After his not-real death, every moment with him felt precious. I held onto each word, memorising the sound the syllables made, too scared that it would end again, and I would be thrust back into sadness.

It was a typical love story ours. But that didn't make it any less special to me. He was safe. NEC for nearly two years now, and me? Well my lungs could suck at being lungs for the rest of my life. And now, with Augustus, it was a life worth living.

Still though, there was a sadness that loomed over mem reminding me of the shortness of life, how it just ended in the middle of a

Like An Imperial Affliction. That book seemed even closed to me than before, now I fully understood the pure honesty of just dying. The reality of losing someone so close and so important.

The problem wasn't the dream though, it was oblivion. I feared it to now as the 'blind man fears the dark'. I fully understood what Gus meant, when he addressed his fears in support group, that blissful day when I first met him. It was the unknown. No explanations. It just happens and then before you know it, it's over.

"What are you thinking about?" Gus' voice disrupted my chain of thoughts.

"Oblivion," I replied. Wincing at how cringy it sounded.

"Well if it scares you, you should just ignore it. God know it's what everyone else does!" Gus mimicked. I didn't mind. I laughed with him. Laughing because of the joke, but also because of life. The unknown. Oblivion. It all seemed so stupid. Living your life in fear of the next moment, but not fully appreciating the moment now, oblivious to the fact it'd go in the blink of an eye.

"I love you Gus," I murmured. I wanted to make sure he knew. So I knew he knew. Then we'd always love each other and we'd know that.

The fault in no explanations you're never sure. When your time is going to end, or when their time is going to end. That's the problem with oblivion. You just don't know.


	3. The Fault in Hope

The Fault in Hope

The overriding feeling of despair had slowly left leaving me feeling surprisingly optimistic. I called Augustus over and we discussed our future, now it seemed a possibility for both of us.

Once again, the time had slipped away and the once blue sky had turned a stunning shade of pink. We were the only one in the park now and the children had left funky bones long ago. I wished I was a child again. I could leap from bone to bone without a care in the world.

Augustus' perfect voice swept away fantasy and I was thrust back into the present. "What are you thinking about?"

"Don't you wish, that we could just forget about everything for twenty-four hours and just escape?" I answered aware of how pretentious I sounded.

"You want to go on Funky Bones right?"

"Yeah kinda."

"Come on them." I didn't need asking twice.

He held my hand in mine and we jumped, and for that second in the air everything stopped. Everything stood still. Then we landed. It felt amazing like I had stepped into the past again.

"Never leave me please." I didn't care if I sounded desperate. Gus had taught me how to live again.  
"As if I would."

Relief and happiness filled me and nothing else mattered. I was his and he was mine and that could never change.

That's the problem with hope though, you believe everything can be fine but really, it breeds eternal misery.


End file.
